Worn Pants and Dirtied Legs

my parents
dont like it
when i sit in the street

i do it a lot
especially when im
overthinking
or hating myself

the feel of the
hot pavement
against my criss-crossed legs
staring up at the sky
the moon
the dimly lit stars
looking over the suburbs

there's something comforting
about it
and even though
i have wanted to die
for so long
i still come to my
senses if a car
rolls down the street
in time to walk away
because even though
i have wanted to die
for so long
i am still afraid of
dying.

even through
i have wanted to die
for so long
there is still something
so comforting about
sitting in the middle of
the street

i feel grounded
rooted to the earth
close to the hard ground
the tiny harmless insects
the soil
the reminence of cars that
have traveled along this road

although it is no cure to my thinking
it helps a little bit.