A Night Interrupted By Consciousness

i sit here
looking at my hands
all that i can
to hold myself together
is to sit alone
and keep myself
from taking my thoughts
my visions and ambitions
turning them into reality
sorry, sorry, sorry
the words barely escape
as my breath shifts
and breaks it

shattering the apology
the part of me
running through all i see
i dont see green
'cause green means life
and life means me
and if i see me
what i see aint clean
its a fuzzy image
of what i used to be

dont believe
what i said before
before the storm
before my words
became swords
stuck in my throat
choking on letters
pretending they're feathers
understanding my problem
my mind is the problem
with nothing to solve 'em
im running towards your wars
and falling through trapdoors
believing all i had to do was try
but trying was only a part of my plan to hide

it's 11 at night
and i dont know what to write
everything seems wrong
i shouldnt be listening to this song
i should be fighting to be strong
but i feel like i am breaking down
like all i was, was never found
like nothing ever changed
and it's true, my face is unfeigned
i sit here and i try to make sense sense of it all
try to understand why i fall
why i desire it at all